Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

Friday 1st of March 2013 | Category: Pregnancy News | Written by: Siobhan Thomas

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have reportedly found out that they are expecting a baby girl at their recent scan. The 20 week scan is a routine review of the baby's health and development and yet you could be forgiven for thinking that it was primarily to determine the sex these days!

More often than not it strikes me that the driving force behind deciding to find out the sex is people's desire to 'announce' every other moment of their lives combined with our ever increasing impatience as so much in our lives is available 'instantly'. We have so few opportunities in life to enjoy a genuine surprise that it seems many of us are incapable of sitting back and saving this one for baby's arrival. Or maybe for many people surprises just don't appeal anymore?

Why do people want to know?

I know you can argue that you're going to find out one day anyway - it's either a surprise that you can have come the big day, or one that you can have at 20 weeks pregnant without the distraction of a delivery team. Usually people say that they choose to know at 20 weeks so that they can plan for the baby's arrival. I have two issues with this. Firstly, how much gender specific planning is actually required? Secondly, a surprise at 40 weeks (or whenever they arrive) is more exciting and rewarding, surely?

I would understand if more people said they chose to find out simply because the temptation was too much (it has definitely crossed my mind), but I don't understand the emphasis on being able to paint the nursery pink or blue. Paint it cream or yellow and wait for the arrival of pink or blue clothes, blankets and teddy bears to put the gender identity into the room! Dress the baby in white at the hospital and then enjoy receiving gifts (very often clothes) for your newborn and take them shopping once you're up to it - by then you will have a better understanding of what type of clothes you need anyway (and you'll be thinking more about practicality then than pretty dresses or button-up suits). I definitely think that knowing the sex of your baby before they are born can lead you to buy too much in the run up to their arrival. The excitement of expecting a baby combined with knowing who you are buying for (not to mention the never ending array of beautiful baby clothes everywhere from designer boutiques to supermarkets) would lead most of us to buy too many things we didn't need.

As for whether a surprise at 20 weeks is just as much fun or as rewarding as at 40 weeks, I don't think it's comparable. The later stages of pregnancy can be pretty hard going, and as the end looms on the horizon labour can play on your mind a lot. Relatively speaking, the sex of your baby is a minor issue but that state of 'wondering' is motivating. Your curiosity gives you energy and I really believe it helps you through those moments (or maybe that one long moment) during the delivery where you feel like you are all but beaten. I wouldn't go so far as to say that when you meet your baby face to face it is any less special if you already knew what sex they were beforehand. However, that 'It's a....!' moment is such a thrilling reward at the end of all your hard efforts, ridiculously so given that it can only be 1 of 2 options!*

Why it can be important to know what you're having

I'm not wholeheartedly against the idea of finding out the sex of the baby. There are some more persuasive arguments for doing so beyond choosing between pink or blue cot bumpers. Parents who are concerned about their ability to bond with their baby (particularly if they have had a hard time with previous children) may feel that they can forge a stronger bond earlier by knowing the gender of their unborn child. This can also be important for pregnancies where there are risks of complications. Parents who have experienced the loss of a baby have expressed comfort in having known what sex their baby is prior to the birth.

But if you're in two minds...

...then I suggest you wait. Once you find out, you can't take that knowledge back whereas your curiosity will help to keep your spirits up towards the end of pregnancy and during labour. Keep everyone guessing and save something to announce come D-day other than the baby's weight!

*There are rare conditions that can cause gender ambiguity.