Out of The Mouths of Babes

Thursday 2nd of May 2013 | Category: Pregnancy News | Written by: Alice Edwards

Your child exploring the world of language is a wonderful thing; the sense of achievement parents experience when their toddler trots out a perfectly constructed sentence is second to none. However, the delight of watching your little one become adept at conversation comes hand in hand with the inevitable awkward moments that ensue, such as when they ask 'why is Aunt Hilda so fat?' or helpfully inform an acquaintance (or worse, your in-laws) 'my mummy doesn't like you', as has happened to a friend, that leave you wishing they weren't quite so good at talking.

When children first start talking, parents are often unprepared for the titbits that often pop out of their angelic mouths. Unused to having to watch what they say in front of their children, parents often find their private conversations aired in public, courtesy of their kids. Add to this the natural curiosity children have about the world, the questions they want answered, such as 'why does that lady have a beard?', and you have red-faced parents desperately trying to defuse embarrassing social situations on a daily basis.

It was a recent incident with my two and a half year old daughter that prompted me to write this article. She is at an age where she asks questions about everything and anything she sees. Recently, whilst paying for some shopping at a home ware store and talking to the female shop assistant, my daughter, who I was holding, turns to me and asks in a very loud voice 'mummy, what is that man saying?' I can see her confusion, as the shop assistant had cropped hair, but too embarrassed to acknowledge she has just called the shop assistant a man, and not wanting to make the situation worse by having my daughter argue with me over whether it is or isn't a man, I completely ignored the comment and started talking about the lamp we were buying her. This made me ponder what I have in store for me over the next few years, and what the best way to deal with these situations is.

The reason behind children's social faux-pas

Up to the age of five, children don't know why some things shouldn't be said to certain people. They don't have the maturity or necessary understanding not to say exactly what is on their minds, as they haven't developed the requisite sensitivity to others' feelings. They see the world with simple, innocent eyes and say exactly what they see and how they feel. A prime example of this is a playdate my friend hosted recently. Her friend's son turned to his mother and said 'Mummy, I want to hurt Jack and make him cry'. A future psycho perhaps, or maybe just a child wanting to test out cause and effect, but embarrassing for the boy's mother nonetheless.

Young children are also unable to follow messages their parents give them which are often contradictory. Many parents teach their children mandates such as 'lying is wrong', but then also tell them that they should tell grandma they like the jumper she's knitted them even when they don't. This wide and innocent-eyed view of the world is of course, very endearing and we shouldn't be in a rush for them for them to outgrow it, but there are a few ways parents can try and minimise embarrassing moments!

Watch what you say!

To satisfy your child's lust for full disclosure and to save grandma's feelings over the jumper she knitted for Christmas, explain to your child that although it's best to be honest and not lie, sometimes it's ok to tell a small lie to save someone's feelings being hurt (bribery can help this one work in more tricky situations or with particularly stubborn children!)

Young children's minds are like sponges, and parents are often taken by surprise at how much of a conversation a 2/3 year old can soak up. Even if your child is playing contentedly while you and your partner chat to each other, chances are they're taking in everything you say. Anything you say in front of your child should be said with caution, or it could be aired later in front of people you didn't want to hear it! So if you think your friend's child is a toy-snatching bully, keep it to yourself or save it for when child is in bed!

Try not to worry

Children are notorious for being completely honest to the point of rudeness. But most people know that children come out with all sorts of things, rarely meaning to offend, and should forgive the occasional insensitive remark. If your child does say something that would offend someone, just put those diplomacy skills to test, if you haven't got them now you probably will have soon enough!