What To Expect...3rd Time Around

Thursday 13th of June 2013 | Category: Pregnancy News | Written by: Siobhan Thomas

As I watched my increasingly merry husband dutifully knock back yet another glass of champagne on my behalf at a recent party, I confided my reason for secret abstinence to a close friend. 'I'm pregnant!' I whispered.

'No!' she responded, as though I had just told her my house was being reclaimed. When I told her to let her other half know, he bit his lip and looked at me sympathetically.

'We're really happy' I tried to qualify, still in a whisper. I sounded ridiculous.

Being pregnant is somewhat different third time around. So if you're thinking of embarking on your third addition, here are my tips for what to expect!

1) A happy(ish) accident?

I don't take offence at this, but I have been surprised by how many people have asked me outright if this was unplanned. I add the 'ish' because when people ask me the question, they do so tentatively, as though I might break down and cry 'God help me, why does this keep happening?'

It was planned - it's happened a little earlier than expected given the erratic activity of my ovaries but we really are happy. Honestly.

2) You must be really hoping for a boy

We get this one the most, and it is always aimed more at my husband than me. As he puts it: 'Yeah, we've been gutted about the last two so we thought we would risk a third disappointment and a lifetime of troubles just to see if we could get the sex right this time.' It's some gamble with almost even odds - do people really keep going just to get one of another sex?

3) OK, you must be mad then?

OK, I'm not flippant about this. Having three children under the age of 4 is going to be hard work, but children are hard work anyway and it's not as though they don't come with their rewards too! Lots of my friends are 1 of 3 children themselves, it's not exactly unusual to have three. It just seems it sometimes by the tone of some people's reactions!

4) Forget the fanfare

Again this isn't something that bothers me, but you won't get the red carpet treatment from the family third time around (it's being used as a play mat for your first two). You're a pro now! You got through the first two OK! Half the people who know about our pregnancy haven't contacted me - which is fine, maybe I would be the same - the news hasn't got quite the 'pizzazz' for others the third time around!

5) Get over yourself

During my first go at all of this, I used to stagger home after work complaining of the long hours and how uncomfortable I was on the commute. I was often too tired to prepare food for us. I always knew exactly how many days and weeks I had left to go, I read about the progression of my pregnancy month by month and force-fed my husband the same information. My birth plan was lengthy, antenatal classes booked early and my hospital bag was overflowing with brand new 'stuff'.

Pah! I'm not yet 20 weeks but the differences are already distinct. I work part time, and as with all parents of pre-schoolers all the other hours of the day are 'taken' - and many of the night time ones too as both our girls are going through a bad phase (please be a phase) on the sleep front. I love being in the car because it involves sitting down. Alas you're not really supposed to get a 3 year old and a 1 year old to cook for themselves so there's no room for self-indulgent delegation this time.

As it happens, I am quite on top of the progression of my pregnancy because editing articles on the subject is what I do for a living, but all the same when my Mum asked me my due date yesterday I had to get my notes out. I'm a long way off a birth plan but I can cover it in about 3 bullet points and I'm not holding my breath this time around (figuratively of course).

As for the new stuff, there will be very little of it! If it is a little boy he had better be broadminded because I have a whole life of pink waiting here for him.

6) You missed a few birthdays

I have never been sensitive about my age or whether I look it - but that was before I started ageing at 3 times the going rate. Passing comments over recent months such as a shocked exclamation of 'Is that you!' in a photograph from 5 years ago and 'You're my age right?' from two separate people 6 or 7 years my senior have left a teeny dent in my ego. I think there is a general perception amongst people I'm friendly with that 3 children happens at the late end of your 30s - well that's what they're saying as a means of backtracking when they realise I am only 31 'It's not that you look it, I just thought you were older.' Sure, 3 and a half years of broken sleep hasn't left a single mark around these eyes!

7) Is it twins?

I realised I was kidding nobody this time around when my 3 year old - with whom I have rarely discussed pregnancy or the idea of 'babies in tummies' - pointed out casually that there was definitely a baby growing in mine. I hadn't even had my first scan at that point. At 12 weeks with my first pregnancy I was longing for a bump and still wearing my jeans without hairbands through the top button. This time around my stomach muscles have given in to the inevitable way too early. At 9 weeks my mother told me she thought this was going to be a big baby - just to clarify that: at 9 weeks my baby would have been about the size of a grape, and even the biggest grapes don't make you look that pregnant. At a recent wedding I was asked if it was twins and on several occasions people have demonstrated clear shock at the fact that I am only however many weeks.

Clearly it's going to be a long slog sorting my body out after a third baby, still, a challenge is good for us, right?

8) Blatant Disapproval

Of all the reactions we've had to our news, this is the only one where I find it hard to laugh it off. A handful of people have raised the question of how we will be able to adequately provide enough attention for 3 children all so young and dependent upon us. The insinuation being that we have made a selfish decision in some way. We both devote so much to spending time with our children and we have always been intent on providing them with a fair upbringing. I have no doubt that it will be harder with 3, but it's not a problem we intend to let develop.

As for the whole issue of middle child syndrome, no we're not worried about it. There are so many factors that will determine which child will demand more attention, be more rebellious, more outspoken or prone to illnesses that I hope we can meet all of their needs as much of the time as is possible. I don't believe that their order of arrival will be a pivotal factor in determining their upbringing.

Still, whilst it might feel insensitive to be on the receiving end of these comments. Perhaps having them highlighted is a good thing, maybe it will make us more focused on the common pitfalls of parenting 3 young children. And if we get it wrong with these three, we'll try again with a fourth...I'm joking.

9) Lucky you

This is the sad one of the bunch. I am acutely aware that we have more children than some of our friends are able to have and for that we are extremely grateful. A number of female friends have told me over the past few months how much they would like a second or third child, but that their partner is quite against the idea. Not only are we lucky to be physically able to conceive 3 babies, but we also have the privilege of both wanting to have 3 babies.

10) You find a new approach to things

There are lots of things that I can't do in quite the same way this time around but I am seeing new uses for things all the time.

My old bump bands are making for excellent 'baby slings' as the girls cart around their dollies in them and my enormous pregnancy pillow (whilst not getting quite so much sleeping use) is extremely handy for making beds in dens or providing general obstacle course features.

Yesterday, whilst hanging around the hospital waiting for an appointment the bounty pack I got given was a lifesaver - we used the free can of coffee as a drum and I gave in to the blackmail of my 1 year old's screams by allowing her to open the free tub of Sudocrem and paint it on her legs.