The Birth Partner

Different people deal with pregnancy in different ways. Some bloom, sailing through the nine months as if it is a breeze, while some seem to get the rough end of the stick from start to finish. Regardless of how the nine months have gone, when it comes to giving birth, most women want to have someone with them to support them through the pain and what can be hours of the hardest work they have ever done. The person you choose to be with you when you give birth to your baby needs to be someone you are completely comfortable with and trust.

Who could be a birthing partner?

Your birthing partner does not necessarily have to be your husband or partner. Historically, women gave birth in the presence of a female midwife and women friends who had children of their own. More men are witnessing the birth of their children today, but there are still some men who are reluctant for one reason or another. It is perfectly acceptable to choose another female to be your birthing partner and still have your husband or partner present at the birth. Check with your maternity ward or midwife if you want more than one person to be with you during the birth.

How can a birthing partner help?

The role of the birthing partner is to understand your needs and be there to help and support you during labour. They should have been to the antenatal classes with you so that they understand the techniques you have been learning and when to use them. Some labours can be lengthy, so having a birth partner or birth partners adds the element of consistency to the process, which can be useful, particularly as midwives work shifts and are bound to change at least once. Midwives on the wards care for more than one patient in labour at the same time, so a birthing partner means that you have someone with you at all times. Having someone with you to explain what is happening when you are able to take it in and making sure that the midwife on duty is aware of your preferences can be invaluable.

Your birthing partner is there specifically to give you emotional support and encouragement, especially when things get tough. They can also help you physically by encouraging you to use the techniques you were taught during the antenatal classes to help you through contractions, such as breathing and relaxation. You may find that massage helps you to relax. They will be able to do that for you as well as helping you to use any other items to relieve the pain, such as a TENS machine or a heated wheat bag. If you have chosen to use the birthing pool, they are there to help you in and out of it as you feel you need to, or for more practical things, such as helping you to and from the bathroom.

More importantly, they will be able to ask for help should you need it and to speak up for you during the times that you are preoccupied with what is happening to you physically. They will be able to ask questions about medical procedures that are suggested to help the process along and then explain them to you so that you have all the information you need to make your choices. They will be able to delay things from happening until you have made your choice unless, of course, the procedure is medically urgent. They will, in effect, be your diplomatic go between, as you will not always be polite and reasonable during labour.

Choosing a doula for your birth partner?

You may feel that you would prefer to have a more objective and professional birthing partner rather than someone you are close to. With the best will in the world, some partners just may not be able to give you the support that you need at the time, or may be so excited and camera happy that they are more intent on capturing the moment for posterity than helping you to do your breathing exercises. If your partner is unsure about how helpful they can be during labour, or if you want the security that having an experienced person by your side can give, then a doula, or professional birthing partner, can be hired to be with you during the birth. The doula is a woman experienced in childbirth who is trained to help you and your partner with the practical aspects of giving birth, as well as the emotional ones. You will meet several times during the pregnancy so that she can acquaint herself with your personal choices for the birth and care of your baby. Then she will be available 24 hours a day for the two weeks prior to your due date and for as long afterwards as you feel that you need her support. Her priority is to ensure that your wishes are met as far as possible, but she is not medically trained so will have no influence on your medical care during the birth. The United Kingdom has a national organisation that you can contact for more information on their role and fees - doula.org.uk.

Whatever you chose to do, labour is a very personal thing and women have been going through it for centuries. Today, we have the luxury of making it a far more tolerable and personal experience. Your birthing partner will do the best job they are able to do at the time until you are holding your baby in your arms.