Do as I do

Our five year old daughter has just reached the point where she realises that maybe, just maybe, her mother was once a child, who grew up, and did other stuff, before she became a mum. She asks me questions such as ‘did you like reading stories when you were a kid?’ or ‘what was your favourite topic at school?’ and even ‘did your mummy get cross with you sometimes?’. These enquiries present me with a perfect opportunity to be my daughter’s role model.

Being Honest

I try to be honest – unless the whole truth in answer to any one question would not serve any useful purpose. For example, I know she finds it helpful for me to admit that there were things I found scary as a child, because this gives me an opportunity to offer a solution without being overly directive. So I continue “… and what I used to do when I was scared of the shadows in my room was...”. But, when asked ‘Did you stop biting your nails when your mummy asked you to?’, a little white lie surfaces. In truth, I am still trying to stop that silly habit now, at the grand old age of 42, but I don’t want her to know that yet! (One day I’ll admit my shortcomings in this regard, because having shortcomings is human too.)

I read this interesting piece in The Independent recently, about the six traits children need to get along in life and at school. While it didn’t talk explicitly of the way in which parents are necessarily role models for their children, what I came away with was a sense that these six qualities – Joi de Vivre, Resilience, Self-discipline, Honesty, Courage and Kindness – are best transmitted to our kids via the example we mums and dads set them, day in, day out. The author of the ‘six traits’ piece, Hilary Wilce, observes that if, when your child starts school, they have the beginnings of these personal qualities, their chances of success as a pupil and in adulthood are much improved. She states, ‘Children with the attitude and dispositions that encourage good learning will flourish even in a mediocre school, while those who come with a mindset that hampers learning won't be able to make much of even the best educational opportunities.’

Six Traits

I dance around the kitchen when Beyonce’s ‘Crazy Right Now’ comes on the radio during breakfast. She giggles and joins in. Joi de Vivre demonstrated. I persist with trying to make her a unicorn costume, tricky though the horn proves to be. Resilience. I admit to her that I should not have asked her to stay at the table while allowing her brother to get down, and that I will now be more consistent. Self-discipline. I listen to her admit that she did clonk her brother on the head while I wasn’t looking. Honesty in the making. She tries her best during her swimming lesson, even though she has found it nerve-wracking to move up a level and be with a different teacher. Her courage shows through. She shares her toys with her friend, offering for them to go out on loan. The seed of kindness within her sends out roots.

Now I don’t paint a picture of how our girl is getting along to be conceited. Spend any block of 24 hours with us and you’ll see me make plenty of mistakes. I share this view of our life because I want you to know that we can, all of us as parents, by piling up the building blocks of the characteristics our kids need to get through life. Every day, we can set an example, be their role model. As Wilce continues:

‘Our children badly need us to help them develop stronger, more flexible backbones, and all the qualities that contribute to a strong inner core can be actively fostered and encouraged by parents (parents and schools working together is even better). Just as muscles grow stronger with regular exercise, so character traits are strengthened by thoughtful encouragement and reinforcement.’

This article is a feature from the MUM.com Trusted Bloggers Club.

About the author

Leoarna Mathias

A writer who's beginning to write, claims my twitter bio. My specialist subjects include the parenting 'juggle', the 'help' we get from the policy makers, and what it means to be a mum in the 21st century. Nothing too adventurous then... Proud to lead the Trusted Blogger Club!

Click here to read my full biography.

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