How Do You Know Your Family is Complete?

I'm the youngest of five children so was used to being part of a large family. My husband (DH) is an only child. When we started thinking about having a family and talked about 'how many children', I said four and he said one.

Then I actually had a baby. Pregnancy had been awful, birth fairly traumatic, and the early months were an experience I never wanted to repeat. It was a particularly stressful period of our lives. But we both said that actually, we did want our daughter to have a brother or sister.

When eldest was about eighteen months, we sat down and seriously discussed whether to try for another child. DH loved being a father despite all the difficulties. I changed my mind every other day about having another. When I seriously thought it through, my 'cons' list was huge and my 'pros' list was very short and DH didn't want to have another if I didn't.

Two days after making this monumental decision, I realised my period was overdue and the left-over pregnancy test came up with a very definite positive. This second pregnancy was even worse. PND morphed into AND (ante-natal depression), I was in a very dark place and because I saw a different GP or midwife on every check, there was no continuity in support to see how much I was suffering.

I love my two daughters and I wouldn't swap them for anything. They're six and four now and those dark days are in the past. However, the effect the two pregnancies and newborn days had on me meant that although we both thought that a third child might be nice after all, we didn't want to risk it.

I've never quite felt that our family is complete. I feel like I'm saying that my two wonderful daughters are not enough. They are, more than enough, and I feel fortunate to have two happy, healthy children. I know we are complete really, our family is perfect just the way it is. But sometimes, sometimes that broodiness for the third and fourth children that I'd originally hoped for still lingers on.

Do you feel that your family is complete? How did you know? Was it a feeling, or through necessity? Thank-you for your comments.

This article is a feature from the MUM.com Trusted Bloggers Club.

About the author

Anne-Marie C

Curator of chaos, avid consumer of picture books, and procrastinator extraordinaire. Can often be found rambling about books, parenting, books, education, books, and anything else that comes to mind. Feels fortunate to share life with her superheroes: two daughters born in 2007 and 2009.

Click here to read my full biography.

share this page with friends and family

Tweet