Is Nanna in heaven?
Monday 24th of March 2014 | Category: Opinion | Written by: Sharon PicklesMother's Day is looming and as often happens it falls on my mum's birthday this year. She died 13 years ago and so Mother's Day is always a mixture of happy and sad; of tears and laughter. My children are very conscious of the sadness in this day for me and are always keen to go and visit 'Nanna' in the country church yard where her grave is. My youngest daughter who is 6 never met her grandmother but has always felt like she knew her and chats constantly about her as if she were still here; I love this and it helps to keep her memory alive and vibrant. From a small baby, we would talk about my mum to my little girl and show her the photos we have of mum dotted around the house; she always understood that her nanna was dead and as she has grown older has realised how difficult this must be for me at times. She sweetly comforts me when I am sad and has a sensitivity that you might not expect from one so young. All this has meant that she has been aware, from a very young age of the fact that people we love die; this has raised some tricky questions at times that I've struggled to answer. She knows that my mum died when she was 56 from cancer and regularly interrogates me about the state of my own health, especially since I turned 50 last year. I confess that I rush to reassure her and gloss over any possibility that I might ever become so seriously ill. Perhaps this is wrong of me, but I can't stand to foster any anxiety in her that she might lose her own mummy and quite honestly, I don't want to admit to myself that this may ever happen to me.
Children have a knack for coming up with really tricky questions at the most convenient times. Try explaining what cremation means when you are packing your bags at the supermarket checkout or the most common question is, where is Nanna now? Oh, that's a tricky one, but as I happen to have a faith in God and belief in an after life, I tell her that Nanna is in heaven; we each have to answer as honestly as we can within the limits of their understanding. I think my little girl understands that there are mysteries in life that cannot be answered fully by her mummy and daddy and I think it's good for us as parents to admit that sometimes, we just don't know the answers to the challenging questions of our offspring. Death is a part of that big old circle of life and most families come up against it sooner or later; we've had many pets over the years that have gone to meet their maker, as nature dictates. Hamsters have such short little lives, pet chickens have the habit of falling foul to visiting foxes, beloved cats get run over and all these sad 'endings' are part of the lessons our kids learn about life and death.
So, Mother's Day will be a mixed bag, but I'm actually looking forward to taking some daffodils with my children and visiting my mum. They'll help give her headstone a bit of a brush up and the older children who knew their Nanna will tell funny stories about her to their young siblings; she lives on in each and every one of them and by talking regularly about her she remains a part of our lives.
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