Mummies, Dummies and More
Wednesday 23rd of October 2013 | Category: Opinion | Written by: Jocelyn Reading
Over the past few weeks, I've had a few chats with some lovely mums feeling guilty and apologising for the parenting decisions they're making.
Dummies was the first chat, over on Twitter. Often a contentious one. My husband was against dummies before we had our daughter. He relented when she was a few weeks old, and things got a little easier then! When my son was born, and I couldn't get out of bed on our first night home after my C Section, by 2am my husband was desperately asking me where the dummies were and could he please have one! Oh, how he changed! I know that the advice for breastfed babies is not to give them a dummy for several weeks so that they're not confused by it, but we were fortunate and had no issues - that boy knew the difference. FSIDs recommend them, my children sleep, it was no difficulty taking my daughter's off her as she grew, so where's the problem?
The next chat, literally a few days later, was about controlled crying. Another one that brings some very different responses from parents. We have used this with my daughter, as she was unable to sleep without me sleeping next to her for several weeks, and having tried all sorts of things, we 'resorted' to this. It's hard, but it worked, within just 3 days. As with dummies, our children are sleepers, bedtime routine is slick, a pleasure with no issues. Both children enjoy play, bath, stories, cuddles and that's it - we walk away and they go to sleep without a protest. This has worked for us.
Baby food jars is another one that I've seen cause serious mummy-guilt. To be honest, we didn't really use these that often, as I enjoyed trying recipes out with my oldest, and then my youngest couldn't stomach them with his reflux, so they weren't an option. But others use them, and that's fine - do what you need to. Fast food. OK, not one for babies, but toddlers - will the odd takeaway damage them for the rest of their lives? I'm thinking not. Load them up on fruit and veg the rest of the time and I think they can take the hit! Potty training and the timing of when to get going seems another struggle. Leave it until the child's nearly 3 and you may get 'judged' by others. I visited a good friend recently who informed me that her 2 year-old isn't yet ready, yet her mother-in-law chose to buy him and put him in pants on a day that she looked after him recently, as she felt it was about time - what?! Needless to say, my friend was less than best pleased and ended up feeling like a bad parent herself.
The thing that strikes me in all of these cases, is it's the guilt that gets in our way. The fear of other people's opinions can prevent us from acting in a way that we want to, and makes us uncomfortable. It obscures our view and messes up our clarity when trying to make the best possible decisions that we can for our own children. And it's so, so, hard to side-step. Yes, gather facts, opinions, do your research, but then trust in yourself and you will be doing the best for your child.
Assuming it's all done with love and best intentions at heart, I don't judge people on what they choose to do with their children, but I do judge people on the way that they eviscerate other mums' decisions.
Until you've walked in their shoes and know their child as intimately as they do, how can you possibly know what is right or wrong for them?
About the author
Jocelyn Reading
Jocelyn Reading left behind financial services management when her now 3-year-old was born, started to work for herself from home, and is now mum to a baby boy, too. Passionate about reading, spending quality family time together and blogging about our fun.
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